From: "Clive May" Subject: On The Gentleness Of Hands... Date: Sun, 18 May 2003 10:09:02 +0100 On The Gentleness Of Hands... by: Clive May (clive @ cj4386.demon.co.uk) A Fifth Doctor piece of silliness. Dr Who is copyright BBC. No infringement of that copyright is intended. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Squid! Squid! Squid! he had to have squid; but there was none to be had. Gervaise Strokett-Genteelay, retired Chelsea trend-setter and currently restauranteur, stood forlorn amid the bustle of Sand Bay on Sea market, staring around at the stalls. Friday night was always Squid Special Night at his fish restaurant. He was at his wits end; but he couldn't let his regular patrons down, he simply couldn't. With resolve, but without hope, Gervaise moved on to the next stall. A sign over the rickety affair proclaimed in red capital letters: "HONEST RON'S". As ever with Rascally Ron, there was a "once in a lifetime" special bargain offer. Today's was "Instant Ice Powder - just add water and pop in the fridge for refreshing ice cubes!" Gervaise was about to pass on, when he espied the answer to his prayers. At the back of the stall was a tank. Cowering in the water was the greenest squid he'd ever laid eyes upon. Gervaise peered down into the murky water. Closer inspection revealed it to be the most peculiar squid he'd ever seen. Across its upper lip was a sprouting of ginger fur, for all the world like little moustache. As Gervaise peered down, the squid wiggled its upper lip at him, and opened two of the largest, mildest, brownest eyes Gervaise had ever looked into. His heart melted at that mild regard; but Friday night was Squid Special Night; so Gervaise hardened his heart, and made his purchase. Bearing it before him in a plastic bag filled with water, Gervaise rushed back to his restaurant to prepare the prize for the evening. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tegan banged into the console room. "Doctor!" she cried; "what in heaven's that bloody noise?" "Distress signal," the Doctor flung over his shoulder as his fingers danced over the console buttons. Tegan's heart sank. "Oh No," she groaned. In her experience, distress signals were usually the overture to much unpleasantness. It would, of course, be pointless to suggest to the Doctor that perhaps it might b better to leave it to someone else to deal with? "So who's in trouble now?" she asked. "A Cephalonian," the Doctor explained as he set more controls. "It seems to have become stranded on earth." "Earth?" Tegan didn't like the sound of that. "Yes...Sand Bay on Sea to be exact. We'll be there in a moment. I do hope we're in time?" He flipped a switch; and the screen glowed into life. Tegan put a hand to her mouth, letting out a little scream of fright at the horror. A large green squid with two great mild brown eyes was resignedly watching the approach of the point of a gleaming knife blade. Its upper lip, adorned with a ridiculous bristling of ginger fur, was wrinkling in resignation as the blade came nearer. The huge mild brown eyes made Tegan's heart clench with pity for the doomed creature. "Doctor! Do something!" she cried. "I am, Tegan, I am," he answered the distraught woman as the sound of materialisation rose in the air. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Gervaise paused as the squid caught his eye. It wiggled its furred upper lip most affectingly. Gervaise's resolve melted. The gentle, mild eyes regarded him without fear or rancor. Gervaise sighed. He just couldn't do it, he just couldn't. Neither could he let his regulars down. "Hans?" he called over his German dishwasher. The man was a Neanderthal brute, with savagely crew cut blond hair. The ex-stairway monitor of Buchanvald shambled over. "Ja? Vas iss it you vant?" Gervaise pressed the knife handle into his meaty paw. He pointed at the squid in the sink. "Hans, prepare that for cooking," he commanded, careful not to meet that resigned, mild-eyed gaze. "Ja! Ja! Mien Kapitan," Hans bellowed enthusiastically. He advanced on the sink with an unholy glee shining in his blue eyes. He loomed over the sink. The squid looked up at him. Hans hesitated; then he stepped back and laid the knife down on the drainer. In a shamefaced voice he admitted. "I am sorry, Mein Kapitan. But I cannot do it." At that moment, the TARDIS materialised in the kitchen; the door flew open; and the Doctor raced out with Tegan on his heels. "Are we in time?" she cried, unwilling to peer into the sink. The Doctor nodded. "Yes. But only:- "Because the Hans that do dishes are as soft as Gervaise with the mild green furry lipped squid!" The end